Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
