somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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