Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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