I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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