You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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