but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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