Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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