One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
