I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
