sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
