White coat. Heels.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
