mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
