After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
