He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
