It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
