I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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