why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
