Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
