Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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