I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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