drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
