Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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