i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
