But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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