you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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