UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
