Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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