im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
