so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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