It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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