dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
