We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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