my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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