You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
