so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
