I feel like abortions should bother me more
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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