I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
