He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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