I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
