got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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