The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
