Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
