somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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