while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
