I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
