Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
