So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
