i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
