Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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