You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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