I could have mohawked her pubes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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