I'm going to jail i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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