Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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