I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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